Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I love you.
Bad choice
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
