I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
