...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
