It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
