i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
