Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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