and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
