I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
