Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
