PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So much rum. So many feels.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
