Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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