Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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