It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
