i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
