I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
