Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
