Please, let me fuck your mom
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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