Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
