Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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