Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
