he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
