Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
