so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
