Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
