It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
