this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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