Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
