i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
