i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
