I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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