I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize