We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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