i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
