I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You're like the curious george of whores
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
