Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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