did you get engaged???
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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