I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
