so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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