We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
