I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
