if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
