farters have to be the big spoon...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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