Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
