What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
