U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
