I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
