is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
