I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
