He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
