Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
