I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
