Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
