This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
