a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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