I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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