in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
