you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
