I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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