With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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