I accidentally had phone sex last night
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
