What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
