I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
