The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
