so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
