Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize