Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
