your parents love me but you hate me
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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