Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
