naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize