so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize