Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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